Looks like I spoke too soon.

Well, I think I jumped the gun on thinking that I may have finally
turned the corner. Now, I found out the Staffer is not single, the Flame
is not single, and I'm back to the whole "talk to me once a month but
only if I talk to you first" thing with the Cowboy.

By now, you'd think I would have gotten the hint that I just must be
destined to live the rest of my life alone. I don't know what made me
think that this time would be any different. I'm definitely one of the
dumbest men alive.
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

If the fortune cookie says it, then it must be true.

Could I possibly be turning the corner? Are the stars aligning? I'm not convinced that anything is different. The Staffer still isn't giving me the time of day. The High School Flame still doesn't acknowledge my existence. But, the Cowboy emailed me...without me having to email him first! This is a huge step in our relationship, despite the fact that our conversations never cover anything other than the weather in South Dakota. I got dinner at Pei Wei tonight and two of the five fortune cookies I got said that "love is around the corner". It's really sad when a cookie is more optimistic than I am, haha.

Alone Again, Naturally

So the 28 month mark is rapidly approaching. I still can't believe it's been that long since I've so much as touched another man, not just played with, but even hugged, kissed, you get the idea. It feels like every time I try to make something work or a friend tries to find someone for me, it just never works out. The cowboy doesn't respond to my emails or make any effort to try to talk to me. My high school flame doesn't talk to me either. I swear, I'm just a bullseye for empty promises and lack of follow through. I signed up for yet another online dating site last night. Yes, I know, maybe fourth time will be the charm. It everything I had to not burst into tears while answering their profile questions.

How many men have you dated in the past six months? Zero.

How many men have you dated in the past year? Zero.

How many sexual partners have you had in the past month? Zero.

How many have you had in the past six months? Zero.

How many have you had in the past year? Zero.

No wonder I'm depressed! Priests get more action than I do.

What does a smart, semi-attractive young man have to do to find a nice guy? Body glitter is a deal breaker though!

My lesbian boss says that if she were me she'd be out there playing every night. Someone young like me should be out having fun. But where is the line between having fun and promiscuity? That's one line I refuse to cross. And it's a line that gays have a knack for blurring.

Sometimes I wish I were straight.

No that's not true. I'd have to like vag if I were. Ick....
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Wait a moment while I remove the foot from my mouth.

That Wednesday was the day that proved me wrong. My grandmother woke my father and me up at about 5am to take her to the hospice to sit with my grandfather. I felt like I had risen from the dead, having barely fallen asleep just four hours prior. We got there at about 6am just because it took us so long to get going. The minute we arrived I headed straight for the recliner so I could try to catch up on rest. A few hours later, one of my stepaunts came, followed shortly thereafter by another. They invited me to come along to get breakfast with them, and I obliged them because I had only eaten a small bowl of cereal earlier in the morning. We all just sat around making small talk and in that moment I actually felt like I belonged.

I was so wrong about them and I feel terrible about having judged them. It's a shame that it was on the day my grandfather died that I realized that.